The Joanne Coleman Interview
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Timothy:Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another episode of the colors of sound podcast. I'm Timothy Stonedancer Coleman. I have, the honor of introducing you to Joanne Coleman. She is my auntie. She is more than just my auntie.
Timothy:She is a published author. She is a mom. She is a mentor. She is an educator. She is a community activist.
Timothy:And she is here with us today to talk with us life, love, and all things art. Auntie, welcome to the show.
Joanne Coleman:Thank you, Tim. It's a pleasure to be here. I love you. I'm so glad you invited me.
Timothy:Thank you. I love you as well. And so, you know, this is gonna be a wonderful conversation where we're gonna introduce folks a little bit to your past and where you're from and how you grew up. We're going to then talk to folks a little bit about what's happening for you right now in your life. And then, you know, because I believe in teachable moments, I believe that sometimes people need to know about vision and what we plan or hope or have faith for that is coming in the future for our life.
Timothy:And so I want to jump right in and say, where were you born? Where where are you from originally?
Joanne Coleman:I'm from Philadelphia originally. Yep. Lived there for, well, pretty much until I was about, 30 years old.
Timothy:Yeah. Okay. Now it just so happens. Philly is one of my most favorite places to visit. Uh-huh.
Timothy:I didn't know until we started talking about you being on the show. I didn't know that you were from Philly, And I used to go to Philadelphia for probably about, like, a five or six year span. I was there twice a year. And, what at one point when I very first went there, I was performing, and, I just felt like, you know, sometimes cities have these cliches, like, you know, Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love. Right?
Timothy:Mhmm. And, you know, sometimes you go to a place and it's not what the tagline is, but I really felt comfortable there. Right? Like, I really felt like it is it was clean. It was, like, a real comfortable, like, kind of environment.
Timothy:How did growing up in Philadelphia impact how you saw the world?
Joanne Coleman:Well, you know, I think growing up in the city is is so much different than growing up in the suburbs. My experience in the city was, you know, we were kids playing on the sidewalk, you know, hopscotch and, you know, throwing balls in the air and doing all the sorts of things, riding our bikes, just, you know, we were outside all the time and it was just a great childhood. It was a great childhood. I have an older brother and a younger sister and, you know, we we did things together and we had had amazing parents, just amazing parents who were exemplars for us in a very, very good way. So, yeah.
Joanne Coleman:So, you know, I enjoyed it. Well, you know, while I was growing up. It was fun. It was fun.
Timothy:That's cool. And so with your you know, let's talk about your parents for a moment. They both from that area? Like, what was a little bit about their background? And, you know, also include what was your or what is your faith?
Joanne Coleman:Okay. So my parents are, were, excuse me, they're they've passed, but they were staunch, very strict Catholic, Italian Catholic family. Their parents were born in Italy, in Albuzzi, Italy in Calabrese. When two families, my father's and my mother's traveled and came to Ellis Island and landed in Philadelphia. They lived a mile from each other.
Joanne Coleman:And so they became friends. They became family. Then my mom and dad got married. And so my upbringing is strictly Italian Catholic. So, you know, and if you know anything about Italian parents, they're very strict.
Joanne Coleman:They're very strict. My mom more so than my dad. Yeah. He's a little bit lenient.
Timothy:K. Okay. So when mom laid the law, you could go around and say, what did you have him wrapped around your finger? Were were you were you dad
Joanne Coleman:as well? I wouldn't say that. I would not say that. Maybe as an adult, I did, but you know the thing with me and my siblings is we were never punished, we were never hit because we never wanted to disappoint our parents. My dad had this thing where if something was not going the way he wanted it to go his eyebrow will lift up and we'd be like okay, okay, I'm done.
Joanne Coleman:We just didn't want to disappoint. We didn't want to disappoint.
Timothy:Right. And it's so different today. Right? Because I share that same type of thing, you know. You know my parents and and and my father before he passed, and and we're a church family as well.
Timothy:And Right. You know, I remember in church, anytime, you know, you get the giggles or you wanna chat with your friend or whatever, mom would just kind of, like, lean forward, you know, and it was just that little bit of head tilt. Right? And then she would look around and make sure that that she pierced her energy right through you so you knew better, you know, and you knew to straighten up. So I definitely get that.
Joanne Coleman:My mom did the pitch. So we were pinched on the leg or the arm, and it hurt. So we knew. This is not that you know, we would if we were to reach for the last bit of food, we'd get a pinch on the arm like crazy. Like, you'd know
Timothy:you are
Joanne Coleman:not that. You are not. So yeah.
Timothy:I love it. I love it. You know, and every family has its dynamic. Right? Yes.
Timothy:And one of the things that I love is that there are so many things that sometimes when I'm talking to people now, there are so many things that, you know, that I repeat that were quotes that dad used to say that maybe growing up, I didn't necessarily understand the fullness of of what he was talking about.
Joanne Coleman:Right.
Timothy:And, you know, one of those favorite phrases, he used to say, a man with no focus is confused, but a man with no vision is lost. And it takes me back to, what I was saying in the beginning about, like, as we look to the future and as we have faith about, you know, what God is going to bring into fruition in in our lives, I think now I'm able to more fully understand vision. And having grown up around two parents that had vision and that kinda spoke vision onto our lives, now I'm really grateful for that upbringing. But when we're teenagers, we're just growing up, and it's like you say, we're just siblings playing on the street and playing jacks and hopscotch and all the things and enjoying ourselves. Right?
Joanne Coleman:Right.
Timothy:Right. And I know that a lot of that was like my father and and, you know, uncle Ron, their parents, like, what they instilled in them as they were growing up. So I wanna talk a little bit about when you met uncle Ron. Right? Were you already living were you already living in Ohio?
Timothy:Like, how did you guys meet?
Joanne Coleman:Yes. Yes. I was living in Ohio. I moved to Ohio in 1989 and with my ex husband and my three children and three years later we were divorced for reasons I'd rather not talk about. But it was a very challenging divorce.
Joanne Coleman:It was a long divorce and And then for three years I was it was just me and my youngest son, Andrew. And I said, you know, I don't need anybody. I'm just going to be with Andrew and we're going to do our thing. And I had blessedly gotten a full time management position at Miami Valley Hospital in the cardiology department. I was the manager there and everybody kept talking about this guy called Coach.
Joanne Coleman:Coach, everybody loved Coach. He was great. Everybody loved him. And but I knew one thing he was dating. He was dating one of the lab techs at the time.
Joanne Coleman:I never really met him, but we were at a barbecue one time for the hospital staff, like the department staff. And I saw him and I was like, oh my god, this guy is like crazy handsome, crazy. You know, your uncle was handsome. He was Yes,
Timothy:he was. He carried it.
Joanne Coleman:He did. And I thought, man, I wish I could meet somebody like that. Well, we wound up going to another house party and he was there and he started circling around me, you know, and he was with the girl that he was dating or supposedly dating and I said, you know, I don't understand what you're doing here. You're with you're with Lori and he said, no. He said, we're just friends.
Joanne Coleman:I I like to get to know you and I'm like, well, I don't know. I don't think that's such a good idea since I work with her. And so on my way out of that party, he slipped me his phone number. And he said, call me and we can meet for coffee or a drink or something. So I I hesitated.
Joanne Coleman:I waited and my daughter, Kristen, I told her and she said, mom, go and listen to a story. You know, maybe they are just friends. You never know. So, I called him and I said, do you remember me? And he said, well, how can I not remember you?
Joanne Coleman:And I thought, okay, that's slick. That's that's really slick. So, we met for a drink at the Peerless Mill where we eventually got married and we fell in love from that evening on. It was like it truly was like love at first sight and he had all the qualities that in that short amount of time I realized that he had all the qualities that I had wanted in my life for me.
Timothy:That's so sweet. That's a great story.
Joanne Coleman:Well you know Tim and this is the funny one of the one of the little things that he did that made me realize that after we had a drink at the Peerless Mill, we went to the Oregon District where he lived and we went to another restaurant and we were sitting at the bar and this guy came up beside me and Ron was talking to someone else. But he knew that there was a guy next to me trying to get in to talk to me. And he gently placed his hand on my knee and squeezed it as if to say, I'm here.
Timothy:That's right.
Joanne Coleman:That spoke volumes to me. I felt so safe. And that's the way he's made me feel all of our life together, safe and secure and loved. Yeah.
Timothy:That's powerful.
Joanne Coleman:I'm never forget that. Never.
Timothy:I think a lot of people long to be with someone where you know if you're in a room with someone, whether they're looking at you or not, no matter what's going on, they got you. How how many children do you have?
Joanne Coleman:So I have three, and your uncle Ron has three, of course, and you know them. My oldest son, Matthew, right now he's 51, and then, Kristen is, 48. She'll be 49 in June. She lives in Columbus and Matthew lives in Centerville Two miles from me, three miles from me. So it's great.
Joanne Coleman:And Andrew lives in Arizona. He has three successful restaurants out there. If you're ever in AZ Phoenix area you need to And he's my baby. I love him dearly. I love all my children.
Joanne Coleman:They've been so supportive for me. I don't know what I would do without them. And then of course Uncle Ron had Susan, Kyle and Kurt and they're amazing kids, amazing kids and we you know when we got married it became a blended family with challenges of course it always is when there's an ex involved And but we managed to get get past those in a very in a very unified way because our ultimate goal was to have this family who would be Christ oriented, Christ centered, and love each other. And we truly were blessed that that's exactly what happened. That's exactly what happened.
Timothy:Yeah. So if you if you don't mind, if if if if if there is a story in this next question, because this isn't something that I that I thought about until you just gave that response is, did you and uncle Ron have any challenges during the time period when you met of a black man and an Italian woman being together? Did you guys face any challenges from that type of union?
Joanne Coleman:You know, Tam, your your uncle was always very aware of people around him and people looking at us and he would not very often, but sometimes he would say, you know, that lady over there is not very done, doesn't think this is a good idea, you know. And I would say, what are you talking about? I didn't notice anything. So for the most part, it was not difficult for us. It wasn't.
Joanne Coleman:My family was so open and loving. They adored him from the moment they met him, just adored him and he adored them. And my siblings fell in love with him. My friends fell in love with him. Was everything to love and nothing to gripe about, you know?
Joanne Coleman:So I feel very blessed and fortunate that we did not have that. Every once in a while people would stare but I think we made a beautiful couple and that was how we felt about ourselves.
Timothy:Do you feel like when you were raising your children, did you have some of the the same types of rules, or did you raise them with the same kind of values that you feel like you were you were raised with?
Joanne Coleman:Yeah. On on the funny side of it, I do remember saying to my kids, you know, well, you'll know when you're a parent, that kind of thing because I always heard that from my mom. Well, you'll find out what it's like when you're a parent. But oddly enough my children give me so much credit for allowing them to be independent of me. I always taught them to take care of themselves and I always gave them a wide range of choices within a structure and they always acknowledge that being so good for them because they were able to make choices within the boundaries that I gave them.
Joanne Coleman:And I think it's important for kids to make choices, but they have to be within boundaries. And that's where they they learn best.
Timothy:That's a huge teachable moment in that, you know, ensuring that the boundaries are clear. All of those things make you more well rounded.
Joanne Coleman:You know, I look at my kids' success and, you know, I I don't wanna take credit for it, but what I take credit for is that they were able to go and be successful because of how I raised them. So I think that that's an important aspect. Oh, thank
Timothy:I do think parents should take more credit when all of the the labor and the silent tears and the silent prayers and the nudging and the small seeds that you try and plant, you know, in your children's lives, when all those things kind of do work out, I do believe you should take more credit for it because nobody I say this to folks all the time, you know, when when to young people when I'm doing, workshops and they talk about, you know, the people they idolize, and and they're talking about so and so just won a Grammy, and so and so is this famous actress. And so and I said, but, you know, nobody gets to the microphone by themselves.
Joanne Coleman:Right. Right.
Timothy:There are mentors, managers, teachers, community members. Like, gets to that level of quote unquote success alone. And so I think we have to pay more homage to those who played that powerful of a role, especially our parents in our lives.
Joanne Coleman:Yes. Yes. Welcome to
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Timothy:Welcome back, everybody. It's Timothy Stonedancer Coleman here with the Colors of Sound podcast. This is our interview with my auntie, miss Joanne Coleman, published author, mom, community activist, educator, and so much more. I wanna take a moment, Joanne, and and talk to you a little bit about your book. So for anyone that that doesn't know, let's give them just a general overview before we go into a lot of detail.
Timothy:Let's give them a general overview of of what happened to cause you to write this book.
Joanne Coleman:Okay, sure. So in May of twenty fourteen, I was diagnosed with lung cancer and was a nonsmoker, so nobody expected to find lung cancer on me. But they found it inadvertently through a CAT scan on my abdomen because I was having some abdominal problems. And so they called and said, you know, there's everything's good with your abdomen, but there's a spot on the back of your right lung. I'm like, Okay.
Joanne Coleman:And then the nurse said, Well, you know, were you sick? Did you have a virus? Did you have pneumonia? And I said, No. And so the radiologist never said this is suspicious.
Joanne Coleman:Nothing. They just kept suggesting another scan and another scan. The scans actually started in March and then in May, they finally my family doctor said, look, we're not going to play around with this. You know, it's probably rare that you have lung cancer, but we're not going to play around with it. He set me up with a pulmonologist.
Joanne Coleman:I had a biopsy and I was, you know, and I say in my book, I was in the worst possible place to hear the worst possible news. I was at Walmart shopping, food shopping because I had to get out of the house because I was waiting for that phone call. And he called me right in the middle of the freezer section and he said, I'm really sorry to say this on the phone, but it's cancer. And it's the non smoking type of cancer that that women your age kind of are starting to get. And I said, Well, is it curable?
Joanne Coleman:And he said, Well, it depends on whether it's in your the rest of your body or not. We'll do a PET scan. Long story short, they did the PET scan. Wasn't anywhere else. Thank God.
Joanne Coleman:And they set me up for surgery. I had a six hour robotic surgery to remove this bottom part of my right lung. And I recuperated actually that whole year it took me. However, when before my surgery, I was still teaching and one of my students came in with a gift and it was a leather bound journal. She said, you know, Miss Coleman, my mom said that she thought you might like to write about your journey.
Joanne Coleman:And I said, well, what a beautiful gift, you know? So she gave that to me and I actually dedicated not dedicated, but I mentioned her in my book, sweet, sweet student. And I started writing every day And it's very raw. It's very honest. It's pitiful.
Joanne Coleman:It's sometimes joyful. It's sometimes hopeful, but it's every feeling that I had every day. And so I would show it to Uncle Ron and he would read it and he'd say, you have to make this a book. You have to I'm like, I am not an author. I'm not gonna make this a book.
Joanne Coleman:This is personal. This is my story. This is me. But the more I wrote Tim, the more I realized the gifts that cancer gave me. And that sounds really ridiculous to say.
Joanne Coleman:But, you know, you're closest to God when you're suffering. And in that time period, although I've always been a Christ follower, it hit me like a ton of bricks that this is it. I'm going to die and I'm going to know God and I am going to listen to his word. I'm going to read his word. I'm going to pray every day and I'm going to be hopeful.
Joanne Coleman:And so every day I made an entry and I attached a verse to it that was appropriate for me that day. And and I sent the manuscript to an an old mentor of mine, a professor from my undergrad, who's a dear, dear friend and he has a small publishing company. And I sent it to him thinking, oh, he's going to say this is ridiculous. Come on. But he texted me back to God.
Joanne Coleman:This is amazing. You have got we have got to publish this book, he said, which really hit me hard. He said, my wife died of ovarian cancer, and the only thing I have left of her is a list of doctor's appointments. She would never share anything about how she felt. He said, you have we have got to publish this book.
Joanne Coleman:And so the book was published. Yeah. First time through him on Amazon. And then most recently it was picked up by Higher Ground Books and Media. Love that company.
Joanne Coleman:It's a very Christian based company because my, mentor, he retired
Timothy:You dropped a few million dollar nuggets in that explanation. Right? So I I don't wanna I don't wanna push past a couple of these things. Like, I think we need to, like, lean into a couple of those things. The gifts that cancer gave me, everybody on the planet has been programmed that that particular word is the beginning of an an endless autumn.
Timothy:Right? Like, an endless here are the clouds, here's the rain, we're moving into the darkness of winter, and you need to wrap things up as best you can because you don't know, no matter what the doctor says, how long you've got left. Right? Like, that's the very ominous way that that that word cancer hits everyone. You are different.
Timothy:I wanna start with that. You're you're a different type of person in that you acknowledge that there were gifts inside of this diagnosis. I want to support that by saying, you know, when I read the book, I'm a very visual person. Mhmm. And I was visualizing each of these scenes that you're talking about as you are going into surgery, as you are waking up coming out of surgery, as you are realizing all the different things that are plugged into your body, as you are trying to Breathe.
Timothy:Put your just breathe. Like, I mean, like, at the very basic basic level. Literally. Just breathe and the newfound pain that came with each inhale. Yes.
Timothy:But what you do is you are giving scripture. You are giving positivity. Like, each thing is raw. Some of it made me, like, extremely nervous. Like, if I didn't know you and know that we would be having this conversation or know that I could reach out and send you a text message or call, I'd be like, oh my god.
Timothy:Did she make it? Oh my god. Did she like, every page, I was like, oh my god. Yeah. Because we don't usually read something that is how you have said it already, something that is so raw.
Timothy:Yeah. Something that is so honest and and unfiltered. However, it's simultaneously so faithful and so hopeful. Yes. Right?
Timothy:And it doesn't mean that there weren't moments of despair. It doesn't mean that there weren't moments of question. It doesn't mean that there weren't times when you're like, I don't even know. Like, I'm just here right now and and today is just gonna be today.
Joanne Coleman:Yeah. Mhmm. That's right.
Timothy:But that's all wrapped around your faith. What would be something that you would say to folks on that first day of diagnosis?
Joanne Coleman:So the first day is the worst day, of course. I remember coming home from that store and just getting out of the car and dropping to my knees in my garage. And uncle Ron came out to meet me and he and I cried and I said I've got cancer, I've got cancer and he took me into the house and he sat me down and I cried and cried and cried. I said I'm going to die. We've got to tell the kids I'm going to die and he let me cry for a little bit and he said, Okay, that's it.
Joanne Coleman:That's it. You are blessed because you have people around you. You have me. You have your family. I know people who have nobody and have cancer.
Joanne Coleman:Nobody. So let's move on with getting you, you know, getting your surgery, doing what you need to do to heal. And from that moment on, although I still had bad days as evident in the book that, you know, that I journaled every day. But from that moment on, I realized the selfishness of me thinking that, you know, I have all these people around me that love me and are going to give me support and are going to take care of me and are going to be with me. Most of all, I had Uncle Ron.
Joanne Coleman:And he literally, literally dressed my wounds, gave me a shower. He did everything for me, everything. He would not let me miss a nap. He was he was just perpetually looking after me. So I realized that that's a gift.
Joanne Coleman:That's a gift I didn't realize I had. That's one of the gifts. You know, the other gift is it brought me closer to Christ even more so. And that's definitely a gift that, you know, allow me to approach a throne of grace, like I say in the book, with confidence and with hope that I was going to be okay.
Timothy:So one of the one of the other points I wanted to make about the book is that it's not just like this is a book that's also good for people who are related to someone who has a cancer diagnosis.
Joanne Coleman:Yes. Yes. Absolutely.
Timothy:What do you feel about that? How do you feel about that?
Joanne Coleman:You know, I think that when Uncle Ron read it, when it was finally published and he read it through, I think he realized the value that I had in him in my life at that point. And I think that family needs to realize that they are valuable to that person and that that person is going to rely on you to mentally help them, emotionally help them, physically help them and spiritually help them. It's it's you're right. The book is very, very raw and it might even be uncomfortable for some people to read. I know I've had friends that have had cancer and they said they couldn't get through it, you know, not anything against my writing, but they couldn't get through it.
Joanne Coleman:And I understand that because it's very, very raw. Yes.
Timothy:Well, because you know what? And I guarantee you it's not because of your writing. I don't have cancer. You know, none of those things. And even for me at one point, I put the book down for a second because I said, wow, with all of the things that are happening in the world, with all of the things that are always trying to steal our focus, with all of the things that we think are important and we're trying to get the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.
Timothy:We've got a tremendous amount of our fellow global citizens who are going through things that are forcing them to think minute by minute, day by It is not so easy to go to just any person on the planet and say, okay, where do you see yourself in five years? In some cases, it is like, I don't know, where do I see myself in thirty minutes?
Joanne Coleman:Yeah.
Timothy:Right. Right? I would say once I picked the book back up, I had to come to terms with honesty. I feel like there are other stories that we've seen on television. Like, everything rushes the actual experience.
Timothy:Usually in a movie. Think about it. The last time, like, name any movie that you've seen somebody and they've been diagnosed with cancer, and it's always the same thing. The family shows up. Everybody's crying.
Timothy:There's a lot of sadness. The you know, everybody's trying to rally around so and so. And then the next scene, they're at the funeral. Yes. Right?
Timothy:We're not even we're not even trained to think that there's something on the other side.
Joanne Coleman:That there's a hope. Exactly. Yes. And I you know yes. That there's a hope.
Joanne Coleman:I think that one of the greatest gifts it gave me was a laser sharp focus, a laser sharp focus on who I was, what what was happening to me and and my surroundings and my family. Because we go through life sometimes and you're like, oh yeah, yeah, that's my that's my cousin. That's my nephew. That's my father. That's my husband.
Joanne Coleman:But we don't really, really have a sharp focus on that person and what that person means to us. And I think that that's one of the greatest gifts it gave me an appreciation for that.
Timothy:Alright. Well, we're gonna take a quick break. And when we come back, we're gonna talk about some other really good stuff. I'm not even gonna let folks know what it's gonna be. I want them to hang with bated breath until we come right back.
Timothy:Folks, thank you so much for listening today. We'll be right back with more with Joanne Coleman right after this.
Timothy:Check your pulse and turn off your phone. Get ready to be entertained. The Bronx Edgeolution is back, and we've got more youth voices, educational partnerships, exciting global discoveries with Alexei Gingertopolis, dollar store science experiments with doctor Whitey Black, and tons of ways for you to engage with us as we bring laughter and knowledge right to your doorstep. Me and the crew welcome you to season three of the Bronx Edgeolution. The new season of the Bronx Edgeolution is here every Monday at 04:30PM on channel sixty seven Optimum twenty one thirty three Files.
Timothy:Welcome back everybody. It's Timothy Stonedancer Coleman. We're here with the colors of sound. We are talking to my auntie, Joanne Coleman. We just had an amazing segment about her book, One Day in May and her cancer diagnosis and the path that she was on with really her faith walk and her coming out on the other side of that diagnosis.
Timothy:We appreciate that you were so honest and willing to share, you know, how supportive uncle Ron was for you during that period of time. But now I wanna shift gears just a little bit. Right? Because life is life is happening simultaneously. Right?
Timothy:It it there's always something going on. And you you, you know, accomplish one thing or you get over one thing or you move past one thing, and then here's something else to greet you, you know, at the next doorbell ring. So talk to me a little bit about, uncle Ron and and his diagnosis, and and kind of how the things that were happening to his health, how that all played into not only the span of time that was really honestly still during the edge of your recovery time. Right? When that first kind of settled in.
Timothy:So what was going on? What happened like soon after that?
Joanne Coleman:So, well, back in 02/2006, he was diagnosed with breast cancer and he went on a mission to spread awareness for men's breast cancer. And then he had a mastectomy and he had four rounds of chemo, which he tolerated very, very well. I felt like he didn't even need my help with anything because there was nothing I could do for him. He was totally independent. He recovered from that and then after my lung cancer, well, let me go back to 1998 because he was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, which is thirty three percent deadly, thirty three percent paralyzing and thirty three percent maybe you're going to recover.
Joanne Coleman:He was the thirty three percent that recovered. So he got over that and then he had the cancer and so now after my diagnosis he had DVTs blood clots in his legs. He had knee surgery. He had he was diagnosed in March of twenty, I think 2021 with Addison's disease, which is a hormonal and metabolic disease that messes you up. And so you have to be on prednisone every day.
Joanne Coleman:And then he had thyroid, a thyroid problem. They had to have thyroid surgery and then he got breast cancer again on the other side. So he yeah,
Timothy:so
Joanne Coleman:he had a biopsy. He had a lumpectomy. He had had three or four surgeries the summer before he passed. And so the last one was a right side mastectomy. They took off his breast and he was fine.
Joanne Coleman:Always, he comes out on the other side of everything like a Superman. And so he he went back to school after Labor Day and on September 6, he came home from school. He said, I'm really, really tired. And I said, well, I understand that you're tired every day. Go take your nap.
Joanne Coleman:It's first day with kids. And he said, no. It's different. It's my head is tired. It's a tired head.
Joanne Coleman:And I said, well, you know, just go take your nap and I'm going to exercise class when I come back. You know, we'll see what's going on. So usually when I come back from my exercise class every afternoon, he's sitting up in the sofa and watching TV and waiting for me to come home to ask me how my workout was. So I came home that day and he was not on the sofa. And I thought, that's really weird.
Joanne Coleman:He must really be tired. Those kids must really have done something to him. Yeah. So I went back to the bedroom and he was kinda semi sleeping and he started to mumble a little. I thought, well, you know, I just let him sleep a little bit longer.
Joanne Coleman:He deserves it. And I went and took a shower and I came out and he was mouthing something to me and I thought, what what and I started to get annoyed. I go, what are you saying? You know? What's wrong with And he was trying to say, how was your workout?
Joanne Coleman:But he couldn't get it out. And I realized at that moment, okay, something is wrong. You know, drop the towel, get on the phone, I did all the signs for a stroke and they were all positive. Call 911 even while he was motioning to me, no squad as is just like him.
Timothy:That would be just like him, yes.
Joanne Coleman:The squad came. They assessed him as an active stroke, took him to Miami Valley South. I called my son Matt right away, and he and Leslie and my grandson met me at the hospital. And they said, well, we found a blood clot in his right carotid arteries huge and we're going to care flight him to downtown. And I thought, okay, I worked in a hospital long enough to know that care flight is not a good word to use when it's your family.
Joanne Coleman:So we all hightailed it downtown to Miami Valley Hospital, Maine, and he was in surgery for about a good two and a half, three hours. They did an intricate surgery, which probably based on what my doctor says should have killed him. So the stroke was a massive stroke. He had the stroke. It was a massive stroke.
Joanne Coleman:And then he spent some time in neuro ICU. He spent a few days in the step down unit. Then they sent him to the rehab center. But his whole left side was paralyzed. He couldn't use it.
Joanne Coleman:He couldn't raise his arm. He couldn't do anything. And he had a very flat affect. So it
Timothy:was
Joanne Coleman:very, sad and very heavy. And he was good for a little bit and he went he did some therapy, but he just couldn't do it. He just couldn't do it. And the conundrum is when you have brain damage, if you sleep, your brain is healing. But if you sleep, you're not doing physical therapy, so you're not healing.
Joanne Coleman:That was yeah. So so then, like four days later after he was admitted to rehab, he wanted to go back to bed and sleep, sleep, sleep. That's all he wanted to do. And I sat by his side. He took a nap.
Joanne Coleman:When he woke up, he said, I have a really bad headache. And I thought, my gosh, what's that about? I scrambled out to get a nurse, a doctor, anybody. By that time he was writhing in pain just holding a pillow writhing back and forth his eye he kept saying his eye his eye and I went I said we have to get a doctor in here right now and right before that doctor came in he had mouthed to me I love you and he was gone. He went unconscious.
Joanne Coleman:They couldn't revive him. So they ambulanced him to Kettering Hospital where he was pronounced brain dead from a massive bleed that went down to his brain stem, all across his brain to his brain stem. They showed us the CAT scan. Was was really bad. And so he was on a ventilator, you know, and the doctor said we there was nothing we could do.
Joanne Coleman:Any any intervention would have made him worse. He said, So what do you want to do? And I said, I'm his durable power of attorney. What do I want to do? I know what he wouldn't want to do.
Joanne Coleman:He would not want to live like a vegetable on a ventilator. So I said, you know, he said, well, we can we can let him go organically. We can't take the ventilator out for forty eight hours based on Ohio State law. I guess that gives time for family to come in. So they sent him to the ICU and they said, you know, he's not he's not going to make it even a day.
Joanne Coleman:Everybody came in. The family came in. The kids flew in. We were all there and he passed away organically at 05:30 the next evening. We watched his heart rate go down.
Joanne Coleman:We watched his blood pressure go down, and, you know, it was very it was tough, Tim. It was very, very tough. Very tough.
Timothy:Yeah. Mean, that's very heavy. Right? And and one of the things that it was interesting to me about this the experience that he went through is that he was actually cured from cancer. Correct?
Timothy:Like, once he had that sec mastectomy, like, didn't die from cancer. He didn't die from breast cancer. No. It was from the blood clot and from the Yes. Brain bleed.
Timothy:Like, it was a whole other thing that happened.
Joanne Coleman:Yes. Yes. They think that during the surgery his for his mastectomy a blood clot through and went into his carotid artery and they couldn't they couldn't use a a what do you call it? Thrombolytic because he was on Xarelto, which is a thrombolytic, and that is probably the reason why the brain bleed was so massive.
Timothy:Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Wow. So that's heavy.
Timothy:Right? And and yeah. No. I mean, like, and this is what this is real life. Right?
Timothy:This is this is what Yes. This is what happened. And so, you know, in the aftermath and uncle Ron passed away. When when was this?
Joanne Coleman:September 21, he was declared dead, but I really feel like he passed away the twentieth in that rehab center when he went unconscious. There was no response. Not at all. Not to pain stimuli. Nothing.
Joanne Coleman:Yeah.
Timothy:And so how does one because there's a grieving process. Right? And and I know that there's there's a lady in my building who lost her husband not too long ago. And, you know, there was a period of about, I don't know, two or three months where I didn't see her at all. Right?
Timothy:And and they're they're a little bit older. And one day, I saw her while I was walking my dogs, and, you know, she was kind of, like, looking down at the ground, and and she happened to look up and see me. And I said, hey. It's so great to see you outside. I'm so grateful to just see you.
Timothy:Like, how are you? How are you doing? And she said, you know, everybody's telling me I have to just get over it. And I said, well, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Timothy:Wait a minute. Don't need to get over it. You need to get through it. Yes. Right?
Timothy:Because Yes. You can't forget how much your husband loved you. You can't forget how much you guys meant to each other. And then as a little bit of Coleman humor, which thank god it worked out, I said, you also can't believe you can't forget how much he used to get on your nerves. I said, so, you know, and then she starts laughing and she, you know, it brings a smile to her face, and she was like, you know, nobody said anything like that to me.
Timothy:You know, I said, it's okay to love and to grieve and to let your time be your own.
Joanne Coleman:Yeah. Because, you know, these old sayings, you know, time heals all wounds. You'll get over it. You know, you'll meet somebody else, whatever. First of all, half of me was ripped apart.
Joanne Coleman:So I'm not whole. I'm half right now. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I'm going to be. I don't know what my purpose is, and I don't know what to do without him.
Joanne Coleman:So when half of you is ripped apart, it's like it's like you fall into a million pieces and none of them can fit back like a puzzle. There's there's a piece missing, and it's going to disrupt the whole puzzle. And that's the way it is for me now. So grieving is going to be my lifelong process. I, you know, I read something where it said grief comes like waves of an ocean.
Joanne Coleman:You can't stop that. You have to learn how to swim. And that's what you have to learn to do. I have to learn how to swim through these waves because if I don't, you know, I might be like your neighbor who stays in the house for months. I did not do that.
Joanne Coleman:I was in a numb state, a few. The first couple months, I got things done. Lickety split, everything had to be done, had to be done, had to be done very you know, logistically, everything had to be done. The funeral, the bills, the finances, the life insurance, all that. It's horrible.
Joanne Coleman:But then after that few believes you, the acute awareness of what just happened to you is like the stark reality. It's like a nightmare. You keep waking up to instead of from.
Timothy:And Right.
Joanne Coleman:That's when it hits you. That's when the tears keep flowing. That's when the memories won't stop. That's when you look around look around this house and every inch of this house is him. Everything he's done, everything he's, you know, fixed, everything is him.
Joanne Coleman:You know, the flowers out back, the flowers out front, the work that he did in the house. And it's hard to get away from that. But yet I don't want to get away from it.
Timothy:Right. Right.
Joanne Coleman:And believe it or not, and, you know, I was talking to another widow about this at my grief share group. I feel close to him when I'm grieving and crying. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it brings him alive for that moment that I'm crying and weeping for him and missing him. And I never want that to end. So will I get over it?
Joanne Coleman:No, I will not get over it. I might get better as my days progress and I begin to have hope that things are going to be okay and I get over the fear of now I have to do that myself. Now there were so many secondary losses, a million little things that that pop up now that I never even realized he did that all. So those are the things that that hold you in grief. They kind of lock you in that state.
Joanne Coleman:So you can't get out even if you try. But the best you can do is swim. That's the best you can do.
Timothy:You don't realize. You know, in a real partnership, there are some things that the other person naturally takes care of that never crosses your mind. You don't think about it. It's like
Joanne Coleman:Right.
Timothy:This just happens. Right? Like, it's like magic. Right? Like, I'm not gonna think about the garbage because it's never gonna be there anyway like it's done.
Timothy:Right? Because that's what the other person always took care of. Right? And then all of a sudden, you you come into the kitchen, and it's like, why is there a full thing of garbage? Like, oh, wait a minute.
Timothy:Yeah. Now I gotta do it.
Joanne Coleman:Yes.
Timothy:And I know that that's reducing what you're saying to, like, something really, really small, but I understand. Right. But I understand what you're saying in that, you know, you stumble upon new discoveries every day of Yes. The things that that were just happening around you and you weren't even taking them for granted. This is different.
Timothy:Right? There are some things that people just take for granted. This is these are things that are just a function of a couple of a life.
Joanne Coleman:Yes.
Timothy:Right? This is just life function, and now all of a sudden, it's like, okay. Wait a minute. Dude, I better go do this. Like, wait a minute.
Timothy:I gotta build this into my day now. And what I appreciate is that you haven't stopped. You're still going. You're still pushing. You're still moving forward, and you're not seeking to get over anything.
Timothy:You're seeking to go through it, and you also are with your faith in that walk. You are also with god Yes. In that walk. Yes. Right?
Joanne Coleman:Definitely. Are
Timothy:people who will blame god for these types of things. Mhmm. And that's another form of isolation. That's your spiritual isolation.
Joanne Coleman:Mhmm.
Timothy:Right? So what would you say to someone? And and even if you wanna talk about, like, how did you get to the point where you were okay going and joining a group about you know, and sit like, what is that even about? Like, what does that look like?
Joanne Coleman:So right after the his service, about a week later, I met up with our pastor and he said, I want to sign you up for grief share here at church. And I said, okay. You know, and that was very raw at the time. You know, he had just passed. But I was willing to do that because I knew I needed help.
Joanne Coleman:I needed I needed to be with some other people who were going through what I was going through. My family was fantastic. They were one they were so supportive. But nobody can understand what losing your the love of your life can mean less they've lost it. And so I started going to grief share and I'm actually going to be starting my third session.
Joanne Coleman:They're thirteen weeks each. I'm going to be starting my third session the end of this month. It has helped me tremendously, tremendously. It saved my life. I mean, when I tell you the highlight of my week was going to my grief share therapy group.
Joanne Coleman:That's, you know, not many people want to say that, but it's true. It's exactly true. And I would tell them that. I said, look, today's the highlight of my week. But you get to share things that you just can't really share with anybody who isn't going through it.
Timothy:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Joanne Coleman:So I mean I would I would recommend that to anyone who's lost a spouse, lost a child, lost a parent, whoever you lose, you you need that. And it's a very spiritual program. It's Bible based, so it encourages you even more. There's so much hopefulness in it that you experience when you're talking to other people. You're hearing even if you don't want to share, you're hearing things that you're feeling and you're like, oh my god, yes, that's exactly the way I feel.
Joanne Coleman:It's been it's been lifesaving for me.
Timothy:That's that's amazing. I there's a power in in removal of the feeling of isolation.
Joanne Coleman:Yes. Yes.
Timothy:And I think when we lean into isolating ourselves off from the world and from people that we love or people who care about us or, you know, positivity in general, And when we isolate ourselves from that, experience
Joanne Coleman:Yeah.
Timothy:It allows darkness to multiply. Yes. Absolutely. In the absence of light, that darkness is growing and growing and growing, and you're running your mind in a million decathalons, you know Yeah. All spinning and spiraling.
Timothy:Yes. But the minute you pierce through that with just a little bit of light, a little bit of opening yourself up just enough to even be in the room.
Joanne Coleman:Yeah. Yeah.
Timothy:Right? Like like you're saying, like, even if you don't wanna talk, you're hearing other people Yes. That you don't even know. Yeah.
Joanne Coleman:Yeah. Exactly. Right. You're you're you're gleaning some knowledge and wisdom from another person who's going through the same thing that you might have not even thought about. You know?
Joanne Coleman:You know, I'll tell you what really is helping me, writing. I'm writing every day. I'm writing poetry because I know I I sent you my poetry of the poetry of grief manuscript, and I'm working still working on that. That has given me such feeling of release, I guess, is the word for it because all those things I'm thinking in my head I'm putting down on paper. And you know I write to him every day about you know things that are happening, how I feel, you know how I miss him and believe me Tim, I will be sobbing writing these things.
Joanne Coleman:There will be tears on my paper because and when I reread them, I'm sobbing because I can't believe that I'm in this situation. I can't believe that god put me here, but he put me here for a reason that I do believe. And I'm I'm struggling to know what that reason is, but, you know, this is what they say. You know, like the song, I will serve you while I wait. And so while I'm waiting for him to tell me, I wanna help other people.
Joanne Coleman:I want to further Ron's legacy of helping other people because that's what he did best. That's what he did best.
Timothy:Listen. There's it's so there's a double whammy. Right? Because there is uncle Ron's legacy and and there is, you know, that Coleman thing of being a servant of the community and and of, you know, wanting the best for other people and being there to mentor other folks and, you know, sharing the things that you've learned in a way that is impactful to each individual and the whole kind of simultaneously. But then there's also your own legacy, and and that is one of the things that I wanted to make sure that we that we speak about before we end this interview Yeah.
Timothy:Is that your own legacy of what you went through is so extremely the depth of it. Right? That faith walk and that moment by moment, you know, there's there's a misconception in my this is completely my own opinion, but I believe that there's a misconception that when you believe in god, when you have faith, that no matter what happens, you're just like, okay. Well, everything's gonna work out. Mhmm.
Timothy:There are so many things between I love you, lord, and it's gonna work out.
Joanne Coleman:If there's a question why why?
Timothy:Yes. Yes. Yes. All of humanity is between Yes. The the ends of that spectrum.
Joanne Coleman:The puzzles puzzles of your life are between those those two things. Yes. Out, you know, walking through it is very, very hard and challenging. And, you know, at church this morning, they were talking about first Peter four and suffering. How suffering is what we were meant to do because Christ suffered for us.
Joanne Coleman:Know, here's my testimony, but he was with me every step of the way. You know, here's the thing. Somebody said in grief share, well, you know, why doesn't God answer our prayers? And I got to thinking about that and I came home and I thought, let me write down how many times he answered my prayers that I didn't even know were answered at the time. And I had a list of things, a list of things.
Joanne Coleman:So, you know, some people get angry at god. I've never been angry at god. I remember your uncle Ron on his deathbed saying, I never asked god why. I thank god I'm still alive. That's the way he was.
Joanne Coleman:Wow. That's the way he was. Yeah. Wow.
Timothy:It's such a easy fallback to to get angry Yes. To lean into your anger, to give yourself more reasons to be angry. Right. Permission to be angry. Yes.
Timothy:Mhmm. Right. Permission to be angry. But I think it's revolutionary to give yourself permission to grieve
Joanne Coleman:Mhmm.
Timothy:To still love Mhmm. To still appreciate, to still keep going. Like, every day taking that one step. If all you can accomplish is one thing today Yes. It's the one thing you needed to accomplish today.
Joanne Coleman:Right. Right. That's what was meant to happen. Yeah. I do that every day.
Joanne Coleman:I said, okay. I did that. You know? I took the car to get washed. I never did that before, but, hey.
Joanne Coleman:That's great. You know?
Timothy:You celebrate those small moments because from and and what I'm receiving from you is because in the celebration of those small moments, you are slowly rebuilding and rebuilding and rebuilding and rebuilding, and you are still becoming the person you were meant to be without knowing all of these other things were gonna happen in your life. Yes. Because your journey is millions and millions and millions of people who don't have a voice or feel like they don't have a voice. It's their journey too.
Joanne Coleman:Saying that. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. I
Timothy:appreciate it. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for what you're pushing out into the world, and I know that, you know, maybe if you had your choice, you'd you'd be writing different things and take a different set of experiences. Right?
Joanne Coleman:Well, he's given me a lot of material for sure.
Timothy:Amen. You know,
Joanne Coleman:they say that when your loved one dies, you embellish their characteristics. Like, oh, yeah. He wasn't really like that. But I could tell you honestly and I'm sure you know, he was just like that.
Timothy:What I what I hope people latch onto, what I hope that they hold onto are all of the the yummy nuggets that you are sharing that are seeds that if people will just give a little bit of sunshine to the seed, they're gonna grow and they're gonna manifest, and and they're gonna create a pathway for people to get out of wherever they are.
Joanne Coleman:Mhmm. Yes. I hope so.
Timothy:Thank you. And thank you so much for being here with us on this episode.
Joanne Coleman:Thank you. God bless you, Tim.
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